Feelings Work

Radical feelings

“Radical honesty” is a phrase I’ve been throwing out a lot recently – manifesting as more talk than actions in some cases. Perhaps though, when I first started saying it, I didn’t understand quite the nuance of what I wanted to deliver. Recently I read an interview [Guardian, May 2018] with Amanda Palmer, who talks about this in a compelling way:

I find myself constantly torn between honesty and compassion, because I realise that my ageing teenage style of radical honesty is not necessarily always compassionate. If you want to be a good feminist and a good humanist, your job is not to make people angry and upset all the time; your job is to proceed with compassion.

If we talk about radical honesty in a work or team context, we usually mean giving feedback. The dictionary definition of feedback is the return of information about the result of a process or activity to encourage more active behaviour in the future.

I’ve worked in work environments where we haven’t had feedback for months, for fear of hurt feelings, or pure laziness. At the other end of the spectrum, there’s the Bridgewater Associates approach… Led by Ray Dalio, the hedge fund operates on a culture of “radical transparency”, meaning all feedback is open and anyone can critique anyone else – the key element being that it is all done openly. After every meeting and action, people are given the opportunity to be rank and comment upon their colleagues, from the bottom of the org to the top. One example is ranking the top 200 managers, by performance, publically. (To learn more about this, Adam Grant’s WorkLife podcast has a revealing interview with Dalio and his team. It also has the best advert I’ve ever heard on a podcast – get out the tissues 😢).

This rough and ready to give approach which is what Kim Scott of Candour Inc calls obnoxious aggression. A gentler, more effective approach could be Scott’s “radical candour”. Radical candour results from a combination of caring personally and challenging directly.

In her book, Radical Candor: How to Get What You Want by Saying What You MeanScott uses a quadrant to teach teams the concept: “The vertical axis is caring personally and the horizontal axis is challenging directly, you want your feedback to fall in the upper right-hand quadrant. That’s where radical candour lies.”

Radical Candour quadrant

Long story short, the radical part perhaps comes from the part it’s innovative or progressive to be honest with one’s opinion, rather than hiding it away. The British nature, in particular, is to clam up once anything gets personal, which is to say, no one wants to seems vulnerable (Dolly Alderton wrote a great piece recently on how gendered it can all get, with men being applauded for showing emotions. Ladies, stop crying, jk.)

So why don’t we ditch radical? Let’s take the compassionate angle to honesty, telling people things they should hear, but coming from a place of caring. Looking at the origins of the word honesty, it means truth, certainly, but there’s also an element of ethics and integrity in there.

Easier said than done of course, but I find the more vulnerability you show, the more others are willing to open up to you. The only way we have growth is by through change and to risk failing. Or, achieve the first attempt in learning. Proceed with compassion for all parties, including yourself.